My journey from the bottom to the TOP
with great help from Tier One CBD & Soldier Plus Capsules!
I’m a 44-year-old male that has suffered from depression for a number of years. Part of me thought it was down to the stress of life, a crazy ex-wife who was hell-bent on destroying my life, redundancy from a job that I loved, in an industry, I have been part of for the last 25 years, and teenage kids who have added serious amounts of pressure to the mix and to top it off a crippling bad back. All in all, you could say this is just life, but there is a part that doesn’t add up. These are all stresses that I guess most of us would face in life and for the majority of it, I have coped really well, kept positive for so long and been there for everyone around me as their support arm.
The part where all it went wrong was after the redundancy, this is where I started to lose control. I felt that all of my positivity was sliding away and no matter what I did to hold on to it, it just kept sliding. I could feel myself falling into the unknown, a feeling that was alien to me and a place that was starting to frighten me. I had spent years being the most positive person in the world, so I thought, my wife saying to me that I live in Smurf world where everything is happy and skips along. Little did she know that things were falling apart within. I tried so hard to keep that positive mindset, but it just kept slipping.
It all came to ahead one day, I just hit rock bottom and broke down in front of my wife asking her to help me. I couldn’t cope with the way I was feeling and that suppressed feeling that your head is in a vice being squeezed. That feeling that nothing mattered, the feeling of loneliness and sadness that takes over and controls you. I just wanted to feel normal again and feel the excitement of life. I wanted to be close to my wife and kids again and not feel as if I was pushing them away.
I went to see the GP and ask for some help, naturally they prescribed me anti-depressants and told me too take these for 6 months and see how you get on, so basically I can’t be assed to help you and find the root cause, just palm you off with pills and hope for the best, at the time I accepted their advice as I just wanted to get better. I started taking the pills and after a while, I started to feel…. Well nothing to be honest, I felt numb all over, I felt absolutely dead inside, I had no emotion, no feeling, no sense of anything, I felt as if I was a shell of a man. I found it impossible to even feel emotion towards my wife and kids, this was not good. The only thing it enabled me to do was exist without the feeling of wanting to jump of a bridge. The pills worked but I had absolutely no quality of life!!
I saw my friend and we had a very long discussion about my situation and how I was feeling, he explained that he had been taking the same medication to help him, but had been trying to come off them, I said I wanted to do the same as I couldn’t cope with that numb feeling towards everything. He told me about a product called CBD, a form of cannabis that has the good bit removed. This product was helping him massivly and he suggested I try it as a way of coming off the anti-depressants.
That was it, I was sold on the idea and went off to a well-known health store to obtain this liquid. I reduced my prescription of AD’s and started to take the oil as directed, eventually I came off the AD’s and just maintained a steady use of CBD.
Well this new product, seemed to be helping take the edge off, but it wasn’t quite what I was expecting. I persevered for a number of months but in the end, thought to myself that I was potentially be in a better place, lock down was upon us and I was furloughed and able to take some time to evaluate my situation. So, my decision was to come off everything and have a clean slate. I was very active with projects in the garden being outside and keeping busy with things that just didn’t cause me any stress. In fact, I thought I was cured, I thought that I would now start to return to normal. How wrong could I have been. What the hell did I think I was doing, I wasn’t cured, I was just wishing I was better again but just couldn’t face going back on meds.
My wife and kids have been saying to me for ages now that I’m really aggressive, the way I speak to them is not nice and my patients with them is non-existent. I am snapping at everything they do, silly things like leaving the shoes out, not clearing up, things that really should warrant me losing my temper and shouting at them. I couldn’t see what their issue was and when they said I was being aggressive and shouting, I had no idea what they were talking about, Them telling me that I was doing these things just made me come across even more angry and that would result in someone ending up in tears and members of the family dividing to their rooms and a massive amount of tension. I just couldn’t understand what their problem was. In my mind they were just being pathetic. They need to just get a life and stop being drama queens.
Work told me I have to return and start building the business up with my department as this was the only department possible of holding it together whilst everyone was off. Well I don’t think it will take you long to work out that my levels of stress and anxiety went through the roof. I was struggling like crazy to hold it together, taking my stress out on people around me again and generally not coping.
THE NIGHT !!
We sat down for dinner at the table, what started to be a pleasant night having our evening meal and chatting suddenly became and the girls getting right on my nerves, with the conversation they were having. This started to wind me up and I could feel myself getting tense and agitated, then my wife decided that it would be a good opportunity to have a discussion about the bad vibes between me and our eldest daughter. This was the point that I was accused of not doing things around the house, and not pulling my weight!! This was red rag to a bull, Pulling my weight? I do most things in the house. I work from home and always ensure everything is cleaned and tidy and everything that needs doing is done!! This was coming from a lazy teenager. That was it, I just flipped out, I smashed my fists on the table so hard that it nearly split in two. I totally lost control, shouted for her to get the F**K out of my house and much more. I had completely lost control of my mind, my emotions, my everything. I basically scared the living crap out my own wife and kids.
Realization
After things had calmed down and I had time to process what had just happened, I spoke with my Daughters and my wife and with all the credit in the world to these two girls, I explained that this is not me and that my depression had got the better of me and that I was not in control. I had turned in to this angry monster that was not the loving caring Dad I once was. I said that I was going to get sorted and I would start to look at getting back on the CBD I was taking before. I also discussed coping strategies to help handle certain situations as I knew I would still feel angry at times and need to overcome these. It was simple, I advised them that I would just walk away from a situation if I felt the need. I will then take a moment to evaluate the situation, process it in my mind and come back to it with a clear head, not just lose my self-control and say something that would erupt into an argument and not benefit anyone. This was welcomed by the girls and so far, seems to be working.
CBD & Soldier Plus
So I started taking the CBD that I had taken previously form a well-known health shop, this I started to take in quite high dose to get it into my system and try and start things working, was this a good idea? possibly not, but I was desperate to get myself sorted, turns out you can’t OD on this stuff, which I guess is a good thing.
It was about two weeks in to being back on the CBD when I saw my mate again who asked me how I was getting on as he already knew my issues with depression. I told him that I was back on the CBD and that I had a recent relapse and needed to get back to a stable state of mind. It was at that point he suggested that I try the Tier 1 CBD & Soldier Plus which he had been using for a while. He told me of the benefits and that he was feeling so much better. I was put in touch with the contact for the products and soon in possession of my very own.
Week 1
So, I have been given these products along with a leaflet and some very good advice from the founder of the business.
If I’m honest, when you look at the contents of these Soldier Plus capsules, I can honestly say that I have never heard of any of them, so I have started to do some research myself into the ingredients and how these help in different ways. I needed to do this for my own peace of mind so that I wasn’t just taking something I had no idea about. I guess in a way, this would be the same as taking anti-depressants, we go by the advice of the doctors and trust them, but really, we have no idea what crap goes into these things. What I can say is that from my own personal research the products in Soldier plus are all natural.
I’ve now been taking the Soldier Plus, one 3 times per day and 3-4 drops of the 1000mg CBD oil 3 times a day. I have been taking them first thing in the morning on an empty stomach as advised and ensuring that when taking the oil, that I don’t drink anything for at least 5 minutes to ensure the oil is absorbed into my blood stream. There are a number of ways in which you can take the CBD oil, Vape which seems to be the best method for getting it into your system I think around 50%, then you can use the drops under your tongue, this is around 33% into your system. I have been against any kind of smoking for the past 16 years, so don’t really want to vape as it doesn’t sit right with me. So, my method is under the tongue.
I have put the product in the cupboard next to the teacups so that’s my morning ritual now. I found putting a small mirror in the cupboard helps as well, so you can see the drops going in under your tongue. Trust me, it’s easy to put more in when you try without. The next round just before lunch and again just before 5pm.
I feel as if things are starting to change with my stress levels, still feel anxious but this seems to be starting to subside as well. I have developed a slight headache, but I guess this is a side effect from my stress levels starting to reduce and the fact I am coming off the Co-codamol tablets for my bad back. My thoughts were that I would see how good the CBD was as an inflammatory product and see if this would help reduce my body pain and enable me to stop taking the Co-codamol’s completely, we will see how we get on!!
Week 2
Wow! so second week is now at an end and things are really starting to change for me, my attitude, mind set and general ability to control my actions is starting to really become noticeable within my family. My patients with everything is getting better, I am now in a position where I am able to stop and evaluate what’s happening around me without exploding into a rage. My depression is starting to lift, and I am starting to feel as if there is a more positive outlook on life, it’s not completely there yet.
Part of me is thinking that this is a mind remapping process, thinking that things can change and that my body is just doing some kind of self-healing. This is not the case as if it wasn’t then it would have happened when I was off everything and I would be where I am today. My wife said to me the other day that she has noticed my positivity returning, “Smurf World” that has got to be the best sentence to come out of her mouth for so long, for me anyway. It made me very emotional as this has been my goal for many years now, if I’m honest with myself, too many years now.
My back pain is still noticeable but at a slightly reduced rate, I can notice that there is a change in the way I am standing and holding myself currently but come the end of the day the pain is still very much there. Going to sleep is still an issue as trying to get to sleep with chronic back pain is pretty hard at the best of times. I’m now looking forward to seeing if this product really will help with this issue.
WEEK 3
So, I have continued the drops, but this week I have upped my 1000mg dosage to 4 drops 3 times per day to see if it helps with the back pain. The soldier Plus I am still on the 3 per day. I have felt that things are starting to ease even more, and my general wellbeing is massivly improving. My energy levels have gone through the roof and I feel full of energy. I have been out walking the dogs this week as I have not been able to for a little while due to back pain. Walking the dogs has also helped with reducing the stress levels, but if I’m brutally honest, my stress levels have pretty much disappeared. I have felt so good this week, I have felt this massive connection that my wife and I have had for years return to its strongest. This for me is the most amazing feeling as that is what we are all about. I am finding this all very hard to digest as I have lived for so many years now with a form of depression that to feel almost normal is quite hard to get used to again.
I had a talk with my girls this week and asked for them to give me some feedback as to the way I have been with them lately and what sort of change they have seen. To say that I was emotional was an understatement. They said that I have been so much more relaxed around them and considerate to their needs. They have also said that I’ve been so much nicer to be around and that they have enjoyed being around me. Why have I allowed this to happen in the first place, well that’s just it, you don’t see it happening, you sometimes don’t see what’s right in front of your face. Slowly destroying my family and not being there for my wife and kids when they need me the most, that hurts, that’s something I am never going back to. My goal is to getting back to be the best dad and husband I physically can be.
WEEK 4
A very interesting week as I have had to attend the hospital for an MRI scan for my lower back something that I have been asking to have done for many years. Finally, I have found a consultant that doesn’t want to just palm me off and has finally listened. To say that I was a little nervous would be an understatement as I have been building myself up to think that with all the pain there must be something seriously wrong with it. The fact my body has changed shape and I look more like a question mark, made me question myself over and over again!
I wanted to try and see how the Oils would help me with my nerves and see what sort of state I would be in when I arrived at the Scanner. I normally get very anxious when I go to a hospital, not sure why but I guess it’s just something out of my control. I took my CBD Oil 4 drops and my Soldier Plus tablets as I do each day, I decided that I would take the oil with me today so that I could top up if I needed to. Long and short of it is that I walked in the hospital without a care in the world, I didn’t need to take anymore drops and felt great. I guess this must all be part of the overall experience taking these products. The more stable mindset that has come from using the CBD and SP. It felt good, I was able to have a laugh with the nurses and didn’t think twice about what was going on and what they might find. I was able to focus on the fact that whatever the outcome, we would hopefully have a solution. Next week I have to go for an operation so I can’t wait to see what happens then as when it comes to needles, I am the biggest drip going, yes I will feint at the simple thought of having my blood taken let alone where they’re going to be sticking needles !!
When we look at the overall calming that these products provide me, I didn’t quite appreciate how they would impact me on my daily life with work. A very interesting situation happened today which has not happened since I have been on the CBD & SP, that is I have to present to large groups of people and sometimes find this very nerve racking even though I have done it for as many years as I care to remember, but getting nervous is part of it for me it’s the adrenaline which kicks in and normally I get very hot and sweaty. This time I was extremely calm in in total control. It was very exciting to feel that after all these years of suffering with this issue, it gone. The test will be if it happens again in a few day’s time.
WEEK 5
Exciting times, I have just received my new CBD, the stronger 2000mg version, this is a stronger dosage which I have been advised to take slightly less drops due to its strength.
I am feeling great, my mind is in the right place and I am feeling on top of the world, literally the top. I can honestly say that feeling this alive and on top of my anxiety and stress is just the best feeling in the world. I feel like I have regained myself control and my lust for life. My relationships with my family are simply at their best and my ability to engage with them all is overwhelming. I have missed out on so much form being in my previous state that its really making me try so hard to claw back those lost times.
This week I have had to go and have an operation on part of me that is very precious, I will let you work out the rest. Well to say I was nervous would be an understatement! I have literally been bricking it! As you know from last week, I’m not that good with the old hospital situations let alone injections, I am just the biggest wimp in the world. So, it was a real test to see how good this new product was and if it would keep me calm. Well sorry to say not even the CBD could help me on this occasion. I literally wanted to pass out at every opportunity. I think that I was just not designed to do these sorts of things. So, I have to tell you a funny part to this trip, it basically consisted of the nurse coming in after the operation and advising me that they had miss placed one of the suture needles!!! Well you can probably now imagine the sheer panic on my face thinking that I have just gone through the most cringe worthy operation, to now think I have to go back in to have my bits cut open again to find this needle. Luckily another nurse came in and said they had found it! FHEW is all I can say.
So, I was packed up and sent home to start the recovery process. My first thought was that I need to take Ibuprofen to help with the swelling, this was a perfect opportunity for me to perhaps up the dosage of the stronger CBD and use this instead. Perfect results, I was able to minimise the use of Paracetamol and just use the CBD. Very little pain and a quick recovery due to the anti-inflammatory ingredients in the oil.
I have still been feeling really good and taking the soldier plus, however I have reduced my dosage down to only two tablets per day, one in the morning and one around lunchtime to help give me a little kick for the rest of the afternoon. This is more than helpful especially as I have been very busy and stressed at work this week having been working from home due to the recovery. Am I still feeling good, I would say the only difference is that I don’t have as much energy in the evening, but I’m not overly bothered about that as I am so flat out during the day.
WEEK 6
So I have noticed something very strange this week, my wife pointed out that my hands have stopped shaking, this was very unreal as I have always suffered from a tremble in my hands, I guess this has been a stress thing but I have always suffered with it. You could always hear my coming carrying the pints of beer on a tray, it has been a standing joke for years, Oh hear he comes, and so the jokes start!
It’s stopped, completely stopped. I had a day from hell on Monday and really thought that my stress levels were through the roof, however, I held my hand out and it was stationary, not a tremble in slight. I can only put this down to the oils and SP. I’m still maintaining the two drops 3 times a day and the 2 SP tablets per day, and this seems to be working just nicely for me. I am still perfectly stable and feeling really good, however, I did have the odd slip of anxiety this week with an issue at work, but I think that this is perfectly normal even for the most sound of a person.
I got my test results back for my back this week and oh my god, not what I was expecting them to say. Yep, nothing wrong with my back apart from the ageing of the spine. How in God’s name did the explain the sheer amount of pain I am in and the fact I look like a question mark? I have been told that I have to go for physio and do exercises to help with the correction of my spinal curvature. Oh, and you will have to live with the pain in your back for the rest of your life and just get on with it. I came away with one sense of relief and that was there is nothing seriously wrong that needs corrective surgery. Could you imagine me dealing with that! So, I now await the call from the Physio to show me how to touch my toes and reach for the sky. Good luck with that, I haven’t been able to touch my toes since I was in nappies.